Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Everything is crap these days. Everything.

So, I really had no desire to re-live this debacle. What sane person would? So this weekend I took the pre-emptive strike (Hey, leave some fucking hyphens for the rest of us, dickhead! Or, maybe by a fucking dictionary?) and picked up a little something something at Target. Behold, the solution to my problem:

"What is this fine piece of machinery?", you may be asking yourselves. This, my friends, is the TruTech clock radio. FM/AM on this bad boy. Here's the killer fucking part..$4.99! Dudes, what in the hell can you get for $4.99 these days? These things? $4.99 for 6 God damn folders. FOLDERS! Fuck all that shit. I'm a shopping machine. I'm psyched for the next day game (5/15 @ the Mets). I'll be jamming to the smooth sounds of Charlie and Dave.
Except I won't. The TruTech clock radio that I got from target for only $4.99 blows. Really hard. Like...Katrina hard, and shit. (btw, in case you guys don't read the comments, I've been taking jabs at a commenter in Texas about his sorry baseball team. I want to take the opportunity now to bring my joke out of the comments, and onto the main page. It's that good. Really, it is. Ready? "The Rangers blow. And Josh Hamilton has done the most blow of all." What? Ya, that was it. Not funny? Whatever your name, ass face. That's funny, I don't care who you are.) This thing won't pick up a single FM radio station. A single one. I even extended it's wire antenna all the way up my bad ass cork board. I checked the trouble shooting "guide" it came with. Hmm..why yes, I do have it's antenna fully extended. Oh well, I'll just have to jam to Charlie and Dave on AM. SHIT GOD DAMN! It won't pick up any AM stations either! Back to the troubleshooting "guide." It tells me, "Rotate the unit horizontally." What in the name of fuck does that even mean?! I turned the thing on all 6 of it's sides ('cause I'm apparently to stupid to figure out how to rotate it horizontally) and couldn't hear shit. Well, besides static. (Which is the sound of the big bang!) Fuck me. I guess it's back to the old drawing board. If someone would like to donate to me a nicer (read: one that works) radio, hit me up. Or, I'll take an MLB Gameday Audio subscription. Thanks!
P.S. Big fuck you to the Nats..who are the sole reason I had to try a $4.99 radio. $7.50 per beer? Seriously? Assholes!
P.P.S. I'm actually a huge Josh Hamilton fan, and I wish him all the best. Seriously.


Andrew Fox said...

Somehow user error never seems to factor into any of this. It's ALWAYS the machine, or it's ALWAYS the Japanese. Yeah. Fukudome you, sucker.

Rob said...

We have the sorriest Fuku of them all, Fukumori. This slant-eye lost the first game of the season for us and hasn't pitched since. Fukumori him. Oh, Gavin, what the hell did you expect for $4.99? Seriously. Also, if you're such a huge Josh fan, how come I have his jersey and you don't???