Monday, May 19, 2008

The Philthies come to town.

Look out, DC. Philadelphia is coming for a three game stand, and they're bringing all their trash with them. Tonight, we welcome this idiot:

When Brett Myers isn't busy sucking at baseball (2008 stats: 5.91 ERA; 66 hits in 53.3 IP; 4 mascots kicked in the groin; 15 HR's given up) he enjoys threatening to punch sports writers, and calling them retarded. A quick quote from that interaction:

BM: “Yeah, cause you’re a retard, you don’t know shit about fuckin’ baseball. You’re filling in for somebody.”
Interviewer: “How do you spell ‘retard’?”
BM: “You know how to spell it, it’s in your fuckin’ vocabulary, I’m sure you know.”
Interviewer: “You are classy, I’ll tell ya.”
BM: “Go on. [Get] outta here, you fuckin’ idiot.”
Interviewer: [pointing at Brett Myers] “You’re the fuckin’ idiot.”
BM: “Hey! You pointin’ at me motherfucker?! I’ll tell you what, dude, I’ll knock you mutherfucking out! FUCK YOU!!! You’re tough when fuckin’ people are standing in front of you, aren’t you, you piece of shit! Come on! You fucking idiot. Yeah, you’re tough when fuckin’ people are standing in front of you, you stupid ass.”

Believe it or not, since he didn't actually hit the reporter, it was a positive step forward for Brett. In the past, he would've just punched the person in the face. Just ask his wife. She got the business end of his pitching fist back in 2006. Ah, but we all knew the Myers' marriage would end up that way, right? I remember the speech he gave back on his wedding day...

I first met my wife back in 2004 at bar called Punchies. I'll never forget it, cause even though she was smoking hot, I could see she was a little bit of a wild one, too. I saw her from behind from far across the bar. I walked up behind her, and asked her if she would like a drink. So, she turned around and I saw she had a black eye...a shiner! So right away I think, "Oh, Brett..I dunno about this one, she obviously doesn't listen." But we've been together since, and I only had to clock the bitch once.

That was one of the most surreal moments of my life, for sure. Going up against the spouse beater is Capt. Redd. No word yet on the status of Austin Kearns. He was a late scratch yesterday due to some elbow pain. (Although, me thinks it was a case of can't hit or field shit.) We'll see if Manny gives him another game or two on the bench.


Anonymous said...

The best thing Myers has done all year is that prank he pulled on Kyle Kendrick where Kendrick thought he had been traded to Japan.

Section 138 said...

If by best you meant worst, then I shall agree. Horrible ending. Myers screaming as loud as he can "YOU GOT PUNKED!!!"
I was expecting him to start screaming "IN YOUR FACE, FUCK NUTS!! RETARD!! TOTALLY GOT YOU, YOU RETARD."
Think the Dugout's Jeff Farnsworth, only it being Meyers.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, screaming "You Got Punked" was weak and totally rednecky, but those people don't know how to act any other way.

Puttzy said...

Shit his wife had 1 black eye. To me that means she does listen, or is at least trainable. It's the bitches with two black eyes that just don't know how to follow directions.